Understanding that Self Care Isn't Selfish

How can you show up to be supportive, loving and genuinely a happy person when you are run down, exhausted and burnt out? I'll tell you... you can't!

Brandon just underwent knee surgery and to say it has been easy would be a lie. As we live together I am his main support. Don't get me wrong, both our parents have been showing up with open arms, meals and more! They have helped in an enormous way. But, I also have a full-time job and other commitments and deadlines. I guess I underestimated the extent of his surgery. For the first week, he could not walk, get up, or basically move without physical support of someone. He was so uncomfortable and in so much pain it was just hard to watch. I would lay beside him trying to make him relaxed and comfortable all well knowing that it was an impossible task. If he wasn't sleeping, I wasn't sleeping. If he was in pain I was in pain. I felt horrible just going out to do simple things like getting groceries, but things had to be done.

It came time to decide whether or not I would go to a staycation at Hotel X Toronto last weekend and I felt rotten. I really wanted to go but did not want to leave him. Then I realized, I needed it to stay sane! I was so exhausted, so burnt out and just anxious. So I went. Having this time away made me realize that you cannot be there for someone else if you are not there for yourself. If it seems selfish, I know. But it's not. How can you possibly show up for someone and be there ultimate caregiver when you cannot satisfy your own basic needs like rest and mental clarity?

So how do you do it? Here are a few of my realizations when it comes to putting yourself first and realizing that self-care isn't selfish: 

1. Just say no. 
Sometimes you may have commitments and you just have to cancel. It's okay to cancel if you are not up to it because in the long run you will be better off. Would you rather go somewhere and be miserable just because you said you'd go? No. Why put yourself through that and subject others to your misery. I had to cancel on some personal things but that's okay because it ultimately I knew I just couldn't be myself in those situations... there was too much on my mind.

2. Acknowledge that you cannot care for someone if you are physically ill. 
I was feeling ill. My stomach was nauseous from not sleeping and to say I needed a good shower was an understatement. Getting up every hour in the night was taking a toll on my body. I was exhausted all the time, relying on coffee to wake me up and not getting enough movement. I knew I had to set aside time to rest and then get my body moving just to find some mental clarity. In doing so, I was able to be there for B more fully, since I was sharp and more alert.


3. Energy transfers is a real thing. 
The flow of energy is strong. Your tension and inner anxiety can so easily be projected on others. Misery loves company, right? If you are miserable chances are you will make those around you miserable. Just like when you are happy it is easier to make others happy. When you need to ground yourself and get back into your grove, say by meditating, or by taking a long bath, do it. It will ultimately better your mood and the mood of those around you.


4. Realize you cannot do everything and that is enough. 
A good friend had to sit me down and tell me straight up: there will be dishes in the sink, there will be a pile of laundry and your house may need a good vacuum, but your impending house chores is not a reflection of your capabilities and worth. WOW. Did that just blow your mind? I keep telling her she needs to start a podcast (lol). But honestly, this was so good to hear. Instantly my shoulders relaxed and I felt like I could take a deep breath in for the first time. It's okay if things are not perfect. You are doing everything you can, and just that is enough.


So what did I do? I went. I went to the hotel while B was at home. Thank goodness we have an amazing support system that stayed with him the whole time, which ultimately made me feel better. But I still went out and enjoyed the 12 hours away. Eleni and I shared a room, we popped bubbly, learned all about the new Bio-Oil Dry Gel (more on that to come) and we had a great girly night in.  And naturally, we had to get a photo shoot in before breakfast. I mean... what else would we do!

So there we have it... I went and had fun. Is that so wrong? I came home more relaxed and even more ready and willing to care for B because I had that time to care for myself.

Do you have a hard time accepting that self-care is the first step in caring for others? Let me know!

P I N  ME:

Glamorous Bridesmaids Dress Rentals in Toronto

When it came down to thinking about bridesmaids dresses, nothing interested me.  Everything I saw was the same. The same styles, the same chiffon fabric, the same colours, the same same same! I was having none of it. Plus, I do not want to have total control over what the ladies wear on this day. Why should my best friends have to be subject to a dress of my choosing? They should wear what makes them feel comfortable. All I knew is that I wanted for them to have fun with their dress-- the more sequins, the more shimmery, the more wild, the better! That is when dress rentals popped into my head, specifically The Fitzroy.  I have known the ladies of The Fitzroy Dress Rental for a few years now and have worn some of their stunning pieces. On my last visit to the studio, I was blown away by the glamorous options that had in their collection. Rachel Zoe, Self-Portrait, Reformation, Elle Zeitoune. I wanted to wear them all and just live in this magical dream closet The Fitzroy called home. Ta-da! My girlfriends could all choose a dress from the boutique to rent and feel like a princess for a day! It was a no-brainer. 

On one blustery January evening we all headed to The Fitzroy for an evening Carrie Bradshaw would be jealous. Angela and Julie are so accommodation and love to watch you find your perfect dress so they were so excited when I reached out regarding bridesmaids options. They are all about playing dress up with you, which makes the experience so much more fun!

The sweeties that they even stayed open after hours for us! They played girly movies on their projector, they popped a bottle of bubbly, served us treats and had fun with us while the girls made their selection. But, before we actually went to the studio there were a few steps I took in advance. 

If you're thinking to head to The Fitzroy for your glamorous bridesmaid's dress rentals, I suggest to do the following:

Step 1: Make sure the girls are open to renting. 

There are so many benefits to renting. Explain the following:

*it allows for more fun with the dress selection since they don't have to worry about "never wearing it again"

*you are being ethically responsible with consuming less and re-using more 

*the designer pieces which would normally be extremely expensive come at a fraction of the price to rent 

Step 2: Browse the website beforehand. 

I had already picked out a bunch of dresses from the website that fit my colour palette and mood board. Whatever you're looking for-- glam, gala, garden... you're going to want to have a theme to go off of so when you get there you are not overwhelmed with choices. I saved all the links to those dresses and sent them to the girls in advance so they would get an idea of my vision, and to make sure they were all comfortable with the idea of renting. They all loved the idea!

Step 3: Plan an outing. 

This is the fun part! The Fitzroy can help you make the day so special! Ideally, you want to go to the shop to try them on with everyone present. That way you can make sure no one gets duplicates dresses, and you can really envision them all together and see how they will flow together on the day of. When I got to the studio I told Angie and Julie exactly the styles I wanted to pull. They ended up pulling more dresses that fit that I totally overlooked!

*Make sure everyone brings a pair of shoes with a height they will likely be wearing on the day of since you cannot alter the dresses. 

Step 4: Book the rentals and take a deep breath. 

Yay! Wasn't that easy? Once you secure your rental your set. Renting bridesmaids dresses is such an amazing alternative to buying dresses. A few of the girls didn't find a dress that works for them, but that's okay, too! Now they all know the look we're going for, and the colours that are "taken" so to speak. Plus, it was a super fun reason to get together,  have a glass and play dress up!

Would you consider dress renting for your next occassion? I'm already trying to decide on my shower dress... 

The Best Skincare Dupes for Winter

Affordable skin care products that perform just as well as the luxe favorites? Yes, they exist.

If you are looking to find those killer dupes that rival in performance, will improve skin tone and texture and really amp up the glow, I got you covered. Lately, I've been receiving questions on what are some affordable and accessible products that are available at the drugstore. Investing in your skincare can get quite costly and it isn't always an option. Or you may just be looking to try something new and want to dabble into drugstore goods before you make the plunge into some luxe ones. There is so much out there and sometimes we stick to what we know. If you're looking to break out of your routine and try out these products that legit match their higher priced counterparts, keep reading!

1. GET THE GLOW
Pixi Beauty Glowtion Day Dew ($30) vs Charlotte Tilbury Youth Glow ($76)

Yes, it's true. The Charlotte Tilbury Brightening Youth Glow will illuminate your skin from within. It's smooth, the texture is so light and it glides on the face like a dream. It also colour corrects and primes the skin, and often I mix it with a drop of foundation to act as all-in-one CC cream. I do really love it. However, at a fraction of a price Pixi Beauty Glowtion Day Dew does all the same! It leaves your skin so dewy and radiant and I find it does provide the same kind of luminosity. It is also extremely weightless and glides on perfectly. I will also mix it with some foundation to add some bronzey glow. This dupe is seriously one of my faves! You get an amazing bang for your buck and it's definitely worth the $30 you'll pay at Shoppers.

2. COLOUR CORRECTING
QUO Complexion Correcting Primer ($25) vs Stila One Step Correct ($47)

I've tried both and can honestly say they both work basically identically. The Stila version is a bit heavier, while the QUO definitely feels a bit more watered down, however they both go on smoothly. I find the Stila to blur fine lines a bit more, however, the QUO feels a bit softer to the touch. I love these three-in-one correctors because they tackle all issues-- the green combats redness (which I have tons of in winter), the purple brightens the complexion and the peach evens discoloration and primes. To be honest, if you're looking for a colour corrector this winter, I'd go with QUO and save the extra $20! Since I only use correctors in the winter, I'll save and pick up the QUO next time.
I can't find the QUO version online, but just head to your Shopper's Drug Mart to pick it up! It looks the same as the Stila container.

3. FACE OIL
NIU Glow Luminizing Facial Serum ($30) vs EVE LOM Radiance Face Oil ($104)
I love Eve Lom. I really do. When it comes to face oil there is something so luxurious about it, and it makes me feel so glamorous. The Eve Lom oil smells lovely, a little goes such a long way and it does make your complexion radiant, hydrated and dewy. The NIU serum is a great alternative. It really does boost radiance and leaves you bright and radiant for a steal of a price. You can mix it into your moisturizer if you find it is too heavy or want a lighter finish. It's packed with jojoba oil, camellia oil, and bergamot oil. It leaves you feeling fresh, radiant and without a doubt bright! Are you new to face oils? Try the NIU (plus the company is run by two local girlbosses) first and see how it sits on your skin. You will not be disappointed!

Do you have any amazing dupes? Also, let me know if this is something I should continue doing!

S H O P  T H E  P O S T